Stake Land

  I could taste it, and it tasted so damn good! Right up until the end, this movie had me salivating with its near perfect blending of the post apocalyptic and vampire film genres. Reminding me a good deal of what a mixture of The Road and John Carpenters: Vampires might look like. But there were a few minor issues toward the end of this one that kept it off my all time list.

  Nick Damici plays the quietly charitable and heroic vamp slaying "Mister" and in doing so became one of my favorite post apocalyptic lead men to date. The rest of the cast pulled their weight as well, villains, monsters and survivors alike.

  The story here is well written and inventive, full of commentary on how humanity and religion could (and most likely will) play a large part in how things will unfold once society crumbles. Showing that not only do we need fear the "plague" itself (or whatever catalyst may bring about our end), but also we must fear those who believe that "plague" is their gods will. It made for some highly entertaining story lines and created a world outside of and around what the main characters were dealing with at any moment. At points you could almost forget about the vampires as they became almost a backdrop for the larger issues of human on human violence.

  The vampire make-up was well done, not amazing but welcome considering they looked more like animalistic vamp/zombies than a bunch of stylish pasty faced "dreamboats" for once. The violence was rather hit and miss featuring some great stuff mixed with some no-nos, namely a couple of scenes that had obviously computerized bloodspray, but all in all it was fairly solid stuff.

   The only real issue I had with this film was the break in consistency near the end in which one of the vampires suddenly has reasoning and speech capabilities whereas every other bloodsucker in the film is dumb as rocks and basically frenzied beyond any capabilities of anything resembling revenge. And the Bond villain-esque explanation given was pretty unconvincing.

    Despite the couple of small issues I had with this one, all things considered this was a damn good movie that I would suggest that everyone dedicate an hour and thirty eight minutes of their life to. Adventure, vampires, religious freaks and the apocalypse? duh......

7.5/10 detached retinas

Hobo with a Shotgun

    I went into watching this film with what I at first thought were high expectations, come to find out I undershot the pure awesomeness that is this film by a wide margin. Every aspect of this movie was seemingly tailor made for the splatter/horror/grindhouse fan that I have become. From the Oscar worthy performance of Rutger Hauer (it's probably a good thing they don't let me vote for those awards), to the oil tanker loads of blood and guts, to the ridiculously spot on retro low budget eighties art direction, and it even included a score that Goblin would have been proud of.

    Rutger Hauer (Blind Fury, Blade Runner), to me, has always been an underrated part of the acting community, and his acting chops show brighter than ever with his portrayal of the endearing title character in this one. With movies like this it's easy to lose an audience's support amidst the all cheesy one liners and campy carnage required of these films. But Hauer brings this character to life with one of the most charismatic and sympathetic revenge movie performances I've seen almost ever. Nailing the homeless hero act with authority. And everyone else in this movie? They don't disappoint either. Everyone in this flick seemed to be on board with and well studied in the fine art of grindhouse picture success, knowing their roles and hitting their cues all in a way that made the cheese factor less of a cheese factor and more of a reality of their world. Also amazing are the "last straw" villains (you know...those dudes villians always call when they're outclassed by the forces they're up against ala Danny Trejo's knife throwing character in Desperado) or "The Plague" as they are called in this one.... a couple of robotic bounty hunter types that just dripped with B-Movie badassness.

   The story is simple: homeless man arrives in town, homeless man tries to blend in, homeless man is repulsed by the abhorrent acts being committed by citizens and police alike, homeless man gets shotgun and takes matters into his own hands. But there were more important parts to this script than just the basic outline. social messages that although subtle, couldn't be ignored....especially with where our country is (and is heading) these days.

    The violence in this film doesn't require a whole lot of introduction, Just know that there is alot of it and Troma films had better watch they're collective asses, because this movie may just have stolen from them the title of best violence in a B-Movie.

    While I realize I may be one of the only people who like this flick as much as I did, it remains to be said that everyone needs to see this film at least once. Cause you all know you're just gonna be curious until ya do!


10/10 detached retinas

Sutures

   After watching this movie I realized that a lot of horror films could benefit from simplifying their story line, while I applaud writers for applying new ideas most of the time, there is a fine line between originality and just plain over doing it. This film fell into the latter category, with a "twist" filled ending that looked to tie up loose ends that no one could have possibly know existed, or much less even cared about.

   One recognizable face resided within this one, Jason London of Dazed and Confused fame (glad to see he's doing well.....) supported by a not horrible but far from good cast of unrecognizables. And like I earlier mentioned, the story was looking to overachieve and promptly failed. I feel like they should have just embraced their Hostel rip-off aspirations that shown through so glaringly rather than trying to shoot for a shock factor storyline.

    There is however a ton of violence in this film, and what it lacks in quality it makes up for in sheer volume. Mostly all surgery/torture based stuff with side dish of slasher as well, definitely a fun mix that gave this one a couple more ounces of watchability for me.

    Summarizing this one is kind of overkill at this point, I can't bring myself to tell anyone they should watch it, but the same holds true for the opposite. So, I guess ya'll are on your own.


5/10 detached retinas

[REC] 2

    For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching the first film in this series, get out there and do it. It's a great rage style "zombie" flick with some originality and oomph, but beware if you are prone to motion sickness, it's a shaky camera ride from hell.

    And for those of you who have watched the first offering from these Spanish sickos, you are not going to want to miss the second installment. They didn't do away with the helmet/handheld camera element, but that (for once) is most of the basis for the amount of success this film had. The pure adrenaline coursing through this films veins escapes through the screen and gets into the viewers bloodstream.

    The story starts exactly where the last film left off, with a few tough-guy S.W.A.T. officers set to escort a "doctor" into the quarantined apartment building. From there all parties involved are quickly introduced to the fact that they and the rest of humanity are royally screwed if their mission is unsuccessful. The characters are all well played, bringing to the screen a great representation of situational awareness, going from manly military types to psychologically broken wrecks within minutes of realizing the gravity of the scenario.

    Also, this film features a plot twist not really (unless you are really paying close attention at the end) eluded to in the first film, the reason I put "zombies" in quotations earlier in this review. A departure from traditional fiend films that was both fresh and classic all at once. Lets just say religion plays a larger role in this offering than in the first film to avoid spoiler status.

    The violence and make-up in this flick were just as good and quite possibly even better in this film, featuring bloodspray on a scale that puts most genre films to shame. Masterfully executed are the attacks and general grisliness of this one.

    If I had to sum up this film in one word I would have to go with "whiplash" for the breakneck speeds it attains and the car wreck like shocks it portrays. This is one balls out badass horror movie!


8/10 detached retinas

Bitter Feast

   Critics.... who needs 'em? I sure don't.........wait. No, but seriously, I find a lot of critics (especially food critics) to be pompous blowhards who wouldn't know a good time or a good taste if it punched them in the mouth....literally. I was discussing this with my wonderful female companion last night, why does a food critic get to tell other people what tastes good? Everyone is wired differently, shouldn't taste be relative? As long as the food is safe to eat.....who needs a critic to tell you what to like? To me a critic is there for suggestion purposes only, not to destroy things other people worked hard to create.  Anyways, rant aside, that's what this film is about, revenge on one of those pretentious, know nothing reviewers (heh).

   It's a pretty standard revenge/torture plot that, by way of the specifics, becomes fresh and intriguing. Fantasically acted on all counts, starring James LeGros (one of the surfer dudes from Point Break), Larry Fessenden (Habit, I Sell the Dead ) and a few other unknown but very competent faces. LeGros really brings out a lot of creepy justification, and lends his own brand of pretentious "why, how dare you" attitude to the proceedings that really lent the film a smooth and entertaining finish. And his main victim is equally engaging.

   I don' know where they shot this film, but the country home in which the main character lives and partakes in his "rehabilitation" seminar for our victim is on one of the most beautiful plots of land I've ever seen, made even better by the fact it was beautifully shot.

   And finally the violence, oh man..... This guy (the critic) has a rough, and I mean rough, time. Cast iron skillet burns to the face that after awhile get infected and, well lemme just say he looks like shit. The did a terrific job on his make-up that much is for certain. And all the other violence in the film is top notch too, neck impalement, hand stabbings....all great.

   If you have anything to do with the service industry, watch this film, and if not, watch it anyway. It's superb. bon appetit.


8/10 detached retinas

Carver: The Slit Mouth Woman

    I think this movie may have been a backward attempt at a Japanese after school special on child abuse. It at least resembled some sort of P.S.A. on that subject, the main issue I had with that association was the lack of obviousness of who was supposed to be being punished for said crimes. So if it's not a vengeful spirit.....then what? No, seriously I really want to know, cause this movie confused the hell out of me.

   It's nice to see that some Japanese movies have surpassed the standard of acting set by the Gojira franchise, even if it's not by a whole lot. I understand that the translation of Japanese spoken word to English subtitle can make for some awkward dialogue but the acting/script problems only got worse from there. Super annoying decisions made by characters coupled with their apparent lack of the essential fight or flight reflex made for some sad laughter.

   The gore was fairly well done along with the make up on "the slit mouth woman". She was pretty brutal to look at with her mouth gaped in a knife induced perma-smile, although I'm still a little confused as to how they made her prosthetic work, but all the same it looked pretty rad. The rest of the violence was fairly tame but not so much as to make the movie any worse than it already was.

  I don't know if it's just my own issue or what, but I find Asian horror fairly hard to watch being as It's so annoyingly (and seemingly purposefully) bizarre, it must just be a culture gap that I haven't fully been able to bridge for myself yet. But if you are a fan of these types of films, check this one out, it's got the makings of what I think most Asian horror connoisseurs would enjoy.

5/10 detached retinas

H6: Diary of a Serial Killer

   Pay absolutely no attention to the tagline pronouncing this film to be "The Spanish answer to Hostel". Whomever was at fault for that terrible comparison should have their reviewing rights stripped. I kid, but that was a seriously bad association. Something more along the lines of "the Spanish answer to American Psycho" would be much more toward where I would lean with this one.

   Much like American Psycho this film follows the killer and not the victims, who are mostly just circumstantial parts of the film anyways, not really evoking too much emotion in the viewer. Which I'm assuming from the success of this aspect, was the directors point all along. The main character is interesting, engaging and not without his own brand of creepy charm and does a bang up jobs doubling as the films narrator, making for another comparison to the job that Christian Bale did in the earlier mentioned comparative film. But don't let my comparisons turn you off of this film, it most definitely is its own movie, and doesn't even begin to be a ripoff of anything else.....it's just hard these days to make a movie that doesn't, in one way or another, at least slightly resemble something that has already been done.

   There's a certain fascination that is created by the on screen happenings/killings that I haven't been exposed to through other films I have seen. The method in which the main character methodically captures, psychologically and physically tortures, interrogates and then dispatches with his victims felt more like a documentary or lesson in psychology than any horror film I have seen to date. Not to say there isn't some good ol' chainsaw mutilation and messy post kill cleanup. Also, just a warning, there is a fair amount of rape in this film, done as tastefully as an ultra touchy subject as rape can be done, but it's still rape.  

    At the end of this one I can safely say that this was a darn good movie, Enough originality to feel fresh, and enough of a classic story to win over just about any audience. Give this one a gander, methinks you'll like it too.

7/10 detached retinas

High Lane (Vertige)

 


     Every once in awhile a movie comes along that convinces you to never, ever, do a certain thing. This movie convinced me to NEVER go climbing in the Balkan mountains (or any mountains for that matter) while a member of my party is traveling with any sort of combination of current and ex lovers. Terrible things are bound to happen within that scenario alone, add in the presence of a feral cannibalistic mountain man to that scenario and you've got yourself a recipe for being dead.

    This movie is French, but sadly, the only version they had available on Netflix was dubbed. While it wasn't dubbed too badly, there is still this unavoidable element of separation between vocal emotion and physical emotion that grates ever so slightly especially with a movie as intense as this one. And it was intense, competently and desperately acted by a fine French cast (at least a far as body language went). And the story was solid too, with good elements of man versus nature and man versus crazed killer mixed perfectly together.

    The violence in this film was terrific, just a carnal, uber bloody, maimfest. Absolutely nothing special or out of the ordinary, it all just fit the bill to perfection for what the subject matter of the film pertained to. Well executed simplicity goes over better sometimes than over the top shock value stuff that at times feels forced.

    The long and the short on this one? Go watch it, whomever you are, whatever kinds of horror you like.....I have a feeling most of you who watch this one will like it.


7/10 detached retinas

Albino Farm

     Sitting through whole movies that only impress on one out of four or five possible levels gets to be a little disheartening at times. This movie had some really well done make-up and effects but failed miserably on so many other points that it made itself fairly hard to recommend.

     Character selection and dialogue to me are key ingredients to the success of any horror film, even when these movies aren't well acted having a few likable characters who don't act like totally unbelievable d-bags the whole time can save you your audience. There were a couple of mutated villagers who did fair jobs at pulling of the creep vibe, but the "good-guys/girls" were all so annoying that it didn't matter much in the long run. And story wise, well lets just say, if you've seen one hillbilly inbred killer movie, you've seen em all.

     Like I earlier mentioned, though, the make-up jobs on a few of the albino farms occupants were exceptional, you could tell the artists took real pride in their creations (too bad for the rest of the film). The violence was so-so featuring some well intended scenes that could have been executed a little better but nothing to really complain about except one particular scene in which the most obnoxious character is finally meeting his demise by what appears like it's going to be a truly breathtaking killshot/maiming, but kind of peters out in a confusing spray of animated blood and disappointment.

     There's not a whole lot of reason to go out of your way to watch this movie unless you've been dying to see wrestling personality Chris Jericho play a giggly, backcountry dwelling, pervert. But I've been known to have differing opinions from some, if not most at times, so feel free to check it out for yourself.

4/10 detached retinas

ThanksKilling

   When the opening line in a movie is "Nice tits, bitch", you know you're in for some kind of a ride. Albeit short lived (this movie is only an hour and six minutes long) it was an entertainingly goofy ride.

    There's not a whole lot to this film thanks in part to it's tunnel vision storyline, which, if you haven't picked up on it by now, is about a hellspawned vengeful turkey on a 505 year old mission to kill white folks for their crimes against the Native American people. Goofy I know, and even goofier still is the "acting" in this film, it might contain the most deliberately ridiculous dialogue I have sat through to date. But even as I say that, I realize it's part of this films charm. And the character selection for this one, I've mentioned before about "token" characters, this movie may just take the cake.....featuring an all-American quarterback type, a "hot" slut, plain jane "good girl", fat comic relief redneck fella and a socially crippled nerd who for whatever reason decide to take Thankgiving break together ending up as the would be victims of the terrible turkey. The truly saving grace of this film is the hilarious one liners and general wit of the villain, borrowing a bit from Freddy Krueger and the Leprechaun in his apparent joy with murder, but taking a much more gleefully asinine approach.

     Violence wise, this one doesn't disappoint nor does it amaze. Containing your usual low budget horror comedy fodder. Good amounts of guts and generally unrecognizable messy bits.

     If you're looking for a movie to sit point and laugh at (and with) for just over an hour, this is your movie.

6/10 detached retinas

Cannibal Suburbia

    Australia brings us this blood splattered, low rent, shocker and I have gotta say, I don't know whether to thank or curse them for it. For now I'm going to tentatively stick with thank.

    For some reason this movie is billed as a "black comedy" by some internet personalities, I have no idea what kind of movies those people based their genre descriptions off of but it's nothing short of a horrible description, considering this movie isn't funny. There are definite attempts at humor during the film, but the acting and script are so bad they fall flat on their face..... basically if you want to break it down there is really only one reason to watch this movie......For the shock factor. Considering the lack of a decent story, decent acting or production, why bother otherwise? And there is plenty of it, unlicensed (I'm fairly certain this chick wasn't a doctor) removal of the male genitalia, fecal facials, profuse vomiting, cannibalism, nudity, the works. And it's all done in that gritty low budget style that makes it all the more fun to witness. Somethin' about B-movie shock stuff just gives it a more palatable taste for me, I don't know about you but if I'm going to watch someone liberate a mans penis from him without his permission, said scene being in HD just doesn't lend  itself any credibility.

    This movie is far from what I would call "accessible", and will do a great job itself of weeding out those of you who won't be into it within the films first few minutes. But for those sickos out there that like these types of splatter flicks, give this one a watch, my bet is it'll do do the trick for ya.


6/10 detached retinas

Rubber

   One of the most astoundingly bizarre, moving and hysterical pieces of cinema I have ever seen. I had little to no idea of what I was preparing to watch as of a couple of hours ago, but as I emerged from this one I felt as if my life has been changed in some microscopic way. Now that last line may have been a (tiny) bit of an overstatement, but this film was pure crazed genius none the less.

   If you haven't seen the trailer yet, allow me to paint a picture of this film for you. A tire wakes up in the desert and begins a journey for a far away audience of which may or may not be involved in the "movie" they are witnessing. On said journey the tire (Robert) acquires the skill of telekinesis with which it blows up small animals and human craniums alike, all the while never uttering a word. There is much, much more to this film but for the sake of not ruining it for you I'll leave the rest for you to discover.

    The blurring of reality lines in this movie was top notch, creating a cerebral playground of sorts. And the narrative/dialogue were a hilarious study in blurriness as well.

    It would be an underwhelming statement to say this films character buildup was perfect, but that's what it was. Anytime you can mesmerize and emotionally connect an audience to a completely nondescript tire for nearly an hour and a half, you've accomplished something few have.

    And to top all these other glowing accolades, the violence is fantastic and gory as hades! A real head-sploding treat, if ya ask me.

   In conclusion, I have a feeling not everyone is going to love this movie as much as I did. But one thing I do know, is that everyone who watches this one will have an opinion on it. I gave you mine, now I want to hear yours......comments welcome.



9/10 detached retinas

Zombie Farm

    Mexican Americans......fight a lot of voodoo undead? Doesn't quite have the same ring as the classic Cheech and Chong song's original lyrics. And these were some strangely re-though versions of zombies as well.

    This film spent a lot of time building up the characters, who for the most part were fairly endearing, but not enough so to overcome this movies general stupidity. The film starts out promising, but by the end just sort of trips all over itself to the point of genuine annoyance. The story is one of voodoo, spousal abuse with some elements of racial commentary and half-assed romance thrown in to round it out. When dissecting each of the elements on their own you can find plenty of holes, holes that don't get filled once they're combined to complete the film.

   And the whole zombie element, while it's not a complete failure, doesn't create enough draw on it's own to make this a recommendable flick. The creators just took their hybridization of voodoo zombies and the flesh craving undead a little too far. Going as far as to make these fiends impervious even to head shots? Just a bit too much if you ask me.

    The violence is fairly weak also. Not much to be seen, and what is seen is really lacking. Even the zombie feeding mobs disappoint, where you would usually see dismemberment or disembowelment you just see backs of heads and growling poorly made-up zombie sneers.

    This definitely isn't the worst zombie film I've reviewed of late, but it just disappointed me a lot more than the others considering the feeling it gave off during the opening credits. Oh well, It's not as if there's no more zombie films out there left to impress.....maybe next time.
   
   

4/10 detached retinas
 

Pelt

      Things I learned from this flick; 1. Do not go into the Kentucky hill country and act like an asshole to the locals, or anyone else for that matter, because you will get dealt with in one way or another. 2. Just because the film features slutty looking girls with large breasts, doesn't guarantee you a glimpse of them. 3. When running for your life from a faceless killer, always continue away from said killer.....backtracking for whatever reason just gets you killed. I guess that last one kinda falls under the laws of common sense, but the fact remains, these people did it..... and I now, will not.

     The premise of this film is pretty standard, mean ass bitches and their meatheaded male friends go on a backtracking trek through the Kentucky forest. Meatheads and mean bitches alike get a pop quiz in backwoods survival by some woods dwelling psycho, and promptly fail. The way this one started out I was getting that "they deserve everything that's comin' their way" feeling, but as the movie progressed I started to warm up to one or two of the victims. There's some semi-funny dialogue in this one.....but there is also some of those antics that jocks and their girls possess that I can't stand, but for the most part it's all fairly on point.

     The violence in this film was, sadly, a little understated, but there was still some alright stuff, It just seemed like they were holding back a little to much, given the theme. Just some fairly basic slasher fare. Could have  (and should have) been a lot better/more violence coming from this standpoint.

      Just another fair to middlin' movie with a fair to middlin' cast, fair to middlin' story and fair to middlin' gore. If you're lookin' for something safely entertaining, but slightly boring......this is your movie.


5/10 detached retinas

Dismal

   This movie takes everything that has ever been legitimate about rural cannibal movies and throws it all out the window. Making absolutely no sense from start to finish, as you will soon find out, there is slight template that must be followed if you're going to rip off a genre of films and be successful at it, and when you don't at least play by the few "rules" provided.......you end up with garbage like this.
   Now, if you are going to make a movie about backwoods folks so desperate for sustenance that they have turned to eating human flesh...... do not set it in a freaking SWAMP!  The swamp these cannibals live in is so teeming with wildlife that it makes all the chase scenes for their human "prey" completely ridiculous. And the fact that the killers completely pass on a 12 foot long poached alligator in favor of some screaming little twat was so dumbfounding to me that I literally yelled at the television. But at the same time logic doesn't play a huge role in these types of films......so you look for something else to be entertained by .....except in the case of this movie, there is literally nothing. Animated bloodspray (grrrrrr), CGI explosions, asinine dialogue, terrible acting and generic characters make this crapfest nearly impossible to watch. There are a couple of decent kill scenes but it's a case of too little too late to redeem this films many downfalls.
   The short on this one= don't waste your time.......


2.5/10 detached retinas

Maneater

    Dean Cain is usually a bad selling point if you're trying to get people to take your film seriously. But as this movie showed, there can always be slight exceptions to most every rule. I mean, he can't be all bad all the time.....he did do Lois and Clark......right? <<<nerd out.
    The wrath of the Wendigo, yup...that homicidal Native American spirit of purity and vengeance, is the subject of this film. I'm sure there are more films out there dealing with this mythic beast, but up until now I haven't seen any of them. Despite the fact that I haven't seen this specific creature in film before, there isn't a whole hell-uva lot of originality in this flick. Even the Wendigo itself wasn't all that original, looking a bit like someone dusted off and old Cryptkeeper costume and added glowing eyes and a toothier grin. But what this movie lacks in original thinking is made up for in classic horror fare. Plenty of butchery, blood and boobs grace the screen in this one making it quite a bit easier to swallow than I expected it to be. And the acting, while I wouldn't say it was "good", didn't make me hate the film (once again, despite Dean Cains presence).
     I'm not going to even recommend that anyone watch this movie, but if you happen to run across it and have nothing else better to do, like say, on a hungover saturday.....give 'er a shot.


4.5/10 detached retinas
  

Night of the Demons (2009)

  Well, this movie may be a bit more Hollywood than the films I usually review, but seeing as I never saw a trailer for it, and most of the actors/actresses in it have been a bit washed up of late, I'll review it anyways.....plus, for an American re-make of an 80's classic, it wasn't half bad.

   Shannon Elizabeth (American pie), a really bloated and unhealthy looking Edward Furlong (Terminator2, American History X) and a few other familiar faces lead a decent cast of characters through this demonic romp.

   For the most part, I hate Americas obsession with ruining classic horror flicks by re-making them, only a few times have they been truly successful in my mind, namely with Dawn of the Dead and Rob Zombie's Halloween re-thinking's. But this film, while it wasn't mind blowing or anything, was a completely acceptable re-do in my eyes. It gave tribute to its predecessors campy theme, while updating the effects in such a way to thoroughly delight most splatter fans. And the demon make-up was top notch to say the least.

   If you've seen the original film and you're wary of this one because of all the remade crap being shoved down our throats these days, don't be. And if you haven't seen the original, this film does it a good amount of justice, check it out.

6.5/10 detached retinas

Beast Within (Virus Undead)

    (the) Beast Within, I found out, is the name of over five or six different books and movies.... which made it hard to find information on this particular film. Plus the fact that it actually goes by the much more easily Google searched moniker of Virus Undead pretty much everywhere besides Netflix, added a whole other element of confusion that (in the long run) this English language German movie was not worthy of. 

    The film starts out fairly well, with a production style that points toward a decent movie. But it didn't take long to figure out that this one was gonna be a stinker. Some of the least sympathy worthy characters in recent memory inhabit this film. I've said this before but this film begs me to say it again, I wanted nothing more than for them to die for pretty much the entire movie. And the element of uneducated "science" concerning their "research" of the zombie virus they try to throw in is laughable in a completely non-funny way. Brutally painful dialogue peppers the length of the script and the explanations and conclusions the characters come to are just as painful.

    The films most successful part, by far, was their make-up work on the zombies. featuring some pretty cool, boil infested and mutant fiends that were pretty fun to witness. And the general violence was decent as well. Plenty of blood and variety in the styles of dispatch.

    Zombie fans, I'd say don't waste your time, but as I know being one myself, you'll probably watch it anyways just for a chance to see some zombie murder despite the amount of garbage you have to wade through to get there.


4.5/10 detached retinas

Them (French)

     There has been a lot of speculation, with no clear answers, over whether or not The Strangers, was a re-make or rip-off of this (French) film. I'm firmly on the side of those who say it wasn't. But, I will not say there aren't plentiful similarities. Once this films conclusion rolls around though, any ideas of plagiarism are firmly squashed, in my eyes.

     I believe that this may be the first film I have reviewed on this blog that actually frightened me a bit, but luckily I had my lovely girlfriend at my side to provide comic relief by way of jumping, screaming and generally being a hilarious, nervous wreck......she is really good at reminding me through her overreactions, that it is just a movie. But back to my point, this movie is scary, much like The Strangers, the randomness and pure malevolence of the crimes lends the film an element of evil that chills to be certain.

    The cast in this one does a marvelous job at portraying pure terror and confusion mixed with a frantic need to survive that really draws the audience to them. The story isn't anything special, but is executed well, with a nice little plot detour at the end to keep you guessing.

    Now, considering there are only two victims/main characters in this film it should suffice to say there is not a whole lot of violence in this film. This one is definitely a movie that scares more through an idea than through gore, but that being said, there is a small amount of convincing and appropriately placed brutality in this one.

    So, I would say that everyone should check this one out, except for the fact that I know (and I'm not naming any names) a few people who just don't deal well with these types of cerebral torture flicks. So if you don't get bothered by these types of films, or you're just feeling froggy.....give it a shot, it's a winner.


7.5/10 detached retinas

Dead Snow

    This is another one of the movies that I watched before I started this blog that was a must for me to re-watch and review. This is one of those films that only comes around once or twice in a decade, enjoying the same kinds of success comically and creatively as past films like Evil Dead, and Dead Alive. 

    Norway over the past few years has show themselves to be a formidable force in horror cinema giving new life to the tired slasher genre with Cold Prey and doing a bang up job on the zombie front with this gem. I can't wait to see what else this growing pocket of goodness provides us.

    Dealing more in the zombie curse front that your more traditional flesh hungry ghouls gives this film a little room to be creative in their scenarios. Nazi zombies after their cursed gold, prove to be formidable foes, being as they do not need to adhere to some of the "rules" other fiends do, using tools/weapons and reasoning (to a point) make for harsh conditions for our crew of highly entertaining and charismatic victims. That issue along with the fact the film is set in the snowy mountainous regions of Norway make for some slow running, uber-violent and hilarious hi-jinx.

    Speaking of violence, there is anything but a shortage of it in this gorefest, and it is all top quality stuff. Kilometers of intestines, liter upon liter of blood, dismemberment and general carnage get so plentiful at times the camera gets obstructed with the fallout. Some of the scenes seem to be custom tailored just for gore fans, with two of the main characters armed to the teeth for maximum fascist devastation in a Braveheart-esque standoff with thirty plus nazi undead. 
 
    In short, watch this movie, I can't imagine anyone with even the slightest interest in horror films specifically zombie films, who wouldn't get a kick out of it.


9.5/10 detached retinas

S&Man

     I feel like I've joined some sort of elite club of hyper-underground horror fans by having watched this "documentary". I put documentary in quotes because of the fact that, while it is a documentary, there is an element of fiction thrown in that turns this film into one of the most morbidly fascinating pieces of work I've ever watched.

     The point of this film is to take an in depth look at the works of such super underground sadist filmmakers as Bill Zebub and Fred Vogel of "Toetag Productions", while attempting to find the attraction to movies such as theirs. Interviews with them and their "Scream Queens" (Debbie D.) along with several mental health professionals, search what makes them and their audience tick, and why they think we as a society have the attraction to death and morbidity that we do.

     Now the fiction element comes from the movies interaction with the creator of a series of films called the "S&Man episodes" (Eric), with which the documentaries creator becomes rightfully suspicious of. The awkward creepiness that this character exudes is that of legendary proportions, and his series of films are just as creepy. Leading to an ending that I can only explain as "unparalleled".

     There's plenty of on screen violence, nastiness and plenty of breasts and the sort in this movie, but the better part of it is in clip form harvested from some of the earlier mentioned directors back catalogue for documentary purposes. But the real winning element of the visuals is the amount of simplistic and realistic violence in the S&Man series. The a total lack of glorification of the violence within that series gives it a greasy feeling of dread and sickness that makes the "episodes" feel all the more like "snuff" films and not like movies. Disturbing to say the least.

     Educational, and mind warping......not often you get a two-fer like that, their marriage in this movie is done in a genius way that I haven't  seen to date. I really think any and everyone is doing them self a grave disservice by not watching this movie.


9.5/10 detached retinas

Recycled Parts

    72 minutes of goofy, B-rate, pseudo psychotic, torture horror is a good way to spend part of your work day, if you're askin' me. Even though this movie was far from anything resembling "good" by traditional standards, it still had enough of the right elements to entertain a cheese enthusiast like me.

    Story you ask? There isn't one, well......almost. Terribly acted, directed and thought out, and even lacking in creativity, bringing to light memories of such films as Re-Animator, and The Human Centipede while not cashing in on the charm of the former nor the deranged ideology of the latter. But somehow it still created a bit of it's own charm, mostly through the main villains mentally handicapped assistant.

    There is a sizable amount of decently done violence in this movie. Featuring all the types of scenes you would expect from a surgery based torture horror film. Organ removal, amputations and the like are all here, and done as well as one would expect from a movie of this caliber.

    This movie would probably make the larger percent of you who read this blog turn it off no more than twenty minutes into it. But there are the few of us, and you know who you are, who like these kind of sloppy little pictures.....for those of you who do, give it a shot............as for everyone else, I'd say skip it.


5/10 detached retinas

Bloody Reunion

    I wish Asian languages translated better into English, or that maybe someone with a better understanding of both of the languages did the translations, because I'm getting tired of not understanding whats going on half the time. Admittedly Korean horror films aren't super easy to follow even when translated correctly, but still, why make it even more confusing?

    This flick starts out fairly slowly in order to set up the tension and motive properly, and then it is ON! Twisted kill scenes and stomach turning torture sequences that only Asian cinema has had the cajones to release before clutter the bulk of the second half, giving way to a twist that gave me a headache at the end. It's not that I didn't get the gist of it, because I did, I just didn't understand why it was necessary. It actually made the rest of the earlier mentioned torture scenes and generally brutal feel of the movie seem to be for naught. It's too bad as well, because overall, ending aside, I really liked this movie, It looked great, had great horror, engaging characters and enough blood to drown an army of vampires. It just finished of with a foul tasting confused whisper and not the bloodsoaked explosion I was anticipating. Oh, well these are the brakes of Asian moviemaking.

6/10 detached retinas

SL8N8 (Slaughter Night)

    Danish satanic slashers that promise wheel barrels full of gore, that's something I've got to check out every time. It took me a week to finally finish this one, but I got 'er did. Don't ask me why it took me that long, because I've got no real reason. This movie was pretty effin' good.

    Every once in a while I think, while I watch these types of movies, about climbing through the screen and asking the dumbass occupants of the world inside; Why would you DO that? Have you not seen a freakin' horror movie before? You're asking to get yourself killed! I mean, yeah, I get that your dad died as an indirect result of his studies of this turn of the century satanic dude and you want to get to the bottom of what's going on, but tryin' to be Nancy Drew in these kinda situations is a recipe for disaster and more often than not....dismemberment. But then I realize in that same breath, we wouldn't have ninety percent of the horror movies that are out there if the characters within made smart and life saving choices.

    To be totally serious though, this movie has a decent story that, when handled by the semi cliche but still quality crew of actors in this one, is fairly potent.

    Violence...... there is a ton of it, through the films second half. Which may (or may not) be the reason it took me awhile to finish this one. Once the violence finally does start, hold on, because it's a ride. Beheadings seem to be the killer, or killers, favorite method of dispatch, but there is plenty of other (extremely well done) killing methods utilized within this film.

    Glad I didn't give up on this one, not that it ever really gave me a reason to. I think i just have attention span issues from time to time......Anyways, If you like gory foreign slashers, don't hesitate to give this one a whirl.

7/10 detached retinas

Wild Country

   "Man Bear Pig Goes to Scotland" would have been a much more appropriate title for this movie. This one is an hour and thirteen minutes of goofy, bloody and hard to decipher wackiness.

   Out of all the English speaking countries it's a toss up between the South Africans and the Scots for who has the hardest to understand accents, with the Scots coming out a nose or so ahead. I really could have done with some subtitles at points during this movie, but being as it wasn't all that in depth of a story anyways, I made do. The story is pretty simple through most of the film Large beasts on the prowl for some unaware kids on a holiday, but the ending........oh, the ending. So stupid, yet so funny, and a little confusing as well. It doesn't hurt the film at all, it's just bizarre.

   Set in the hill country of Scotland, this one has a smooth production and doesn't stray too far from most of it's European counterparts in cinematic quality. The kill shots, at points, are something to shout over with some really great creature on human savagery to behold. It did get hard to see from time to time during some of the night scenes, but I'm going to blame the better part of that on the computer screen I watched it on.

   So if you lookin' for some ear squintingly, bloody, fun stuff to wrap your eyes around, look no further than this little gore parade.


7/10 detached retinas

Trapped Ashes

    I guess the fact that the Tales From the Crypt franchise has seemingly disappeared becomes moot once you have a collaboration like this that resembles it so very closely. Think Bordello of Blood meets Creepshow, and that's about what you've got here.

   Five stories make this one up, but don't go into this one looking for a lot of variety, all the separate scripts kind of resemble each other in some way or another. Bloodthirsty breast implants, Japanese necrophyletic (<<<sounds like a word...... right?) demon zombies, a succubus witch, a girl with a love for her womb-mate who happens to be a giant tape worm and the surrounding plot in which all the other stories are given rise. All of those things may sound worlds apart but somehow, to me, seemed to get semi repetitive by the films end. Now, it's not well acted by any means, in fact quite the opposite, but for some reason it didn't bother me. I'm thinking it probably had something to do with those similarities I was speaking of earlier, because by no means were either of those films "well acted", but both held a certain charisma as does this movie..... to a point.

   Boobs and blood are in no short supply in this film, but it is fairly lacking in true "gore". There is some, just not enough in my book for a movie of this type. The make-up and effects are professional at least, and feature some stand out scenes including the parasitic nipples which were my personal favorite scene, and the zombie sex scene was pretty ghastly as well.

   This is a style of horror that's never going to awe anyone, but when done right (which for the most part this one was) will always entertain. It's not going to change any ones life, but still give it a watch, it's fun.


5.5/10 detached retinas

The Horde

     I have been meaning to give this movie another watch for awhile now, due to several requests for a review of it and also for my own personal enjoyment. I must own this film, because I have a feeling this won't be the last time I'll be wanting to see it. Plus it's French.......nearly a no brainer.

   Adrenaline, brutality, passion, sweat, blood and fear seep from every pore of this film. Featuring some of the most intense zombies since "the infected" of  28 Days Later, this film delivers (and some) on all of your basic zombie movie requirements. Terrifyingly convincing make-up and prosthesis on both zombie and victim alike. And I literally think they may have bought the greater portion of France out of fake blood, cause they used a TON!

  The sudden and confusing way in which the whole scenario unfolds, lends this movie a genuinely scary and realistic feel. Well acted would be an understatement, the strife and stress of the situation is palpable throughout the film, from every actor/actress you can feel almost as they feel. Also, the cast is a varied and believable mix of characters, lending another element of realism that some films fail to strive for. The story has a nice freshness to it as far as sub-plots go, but boils down to the same ol' thing in the end, zombies are here, fight or die. Do you really need anything more from zombie horror? Naw. But there is a bit of a twist at the end that you may or may not find entertaining, I did.

  I'm tellin' ya, if you count yourself a zombie movie fan and you haven't seen this one you're doing yourself a grave disservice. Watch it.


9.5/10 detached retinas

Night Crawlers

     Joel Greco......that's the name of the dude I was trying to figured out where I knew him from for this entire movie. He's the douche bag from that terrible show Cheaters. I knew I didn't like him for some reason, and along with not liking him, I didn't like this movie either.

     Don't let the movie poster fool you, this movie is neither scary nor does it even come close to having the level of make-up production that the poster suggests. There was a whole lot of misleading going on in the marketing of this film. There's some semblance of a vampire/comedy going on here, but aside from a scattered few laughs, they failed on most aspects of both genres. The acting is alright I guess, but the dialogue is so ridiculous it doesn't make much difference, and the situational comedy tries fairly hard to be funny, and is at points, but for the most part it's such an asinine scenario in the first place that it makes it hard to laugh with their attempts and not at their attempts.

     Now, I'd love to say it didn't get any worse from there, but it did. Their attempts at monstrous vampire make-up were probably the only true comedy in the whole movie, most of them came off looking like slow-witted, leprous goofs....In all seriousness, I know a bunch of people who do better jobs on their own make-up for Halloween than then these guys did for a movie......pretty pathetic.

    There's really no redeeming features of this picture, aside from the few laughs, and they weren't worth the seemingly long hour and fifteen minutes I spent watching this.


3/10 detached retinas

Murder Party

    This is one of the best and most original horror films I've seen in a long time.....if not ever. You throw in a bunch of "art scenester" related satire with gallons of fantastically executed blood and guts and add a generous helping of smart comedy and your well on your way to finding the keys and title to my heart.

    Like I said, this movie is smart and was very obviously written by someone who has spent a good amount of time in or around the "art scene" as they nailed with such hilarity all the usual "artsy" types to a T. The basis for the film is a bunch of random pretentious artists randomly dropped an invitation to a "murder party" in hopes that some hapless fool would wander into their elitist trap and they could artfully capture said fools murder. Which is exactly what happens, only they're all so high on their craft and an assortment of other things that it goes unsurprisingly awry. The actors in this one play their parts immaculately, creating such a genuinely hilarious scenario that you almost forget for awhile they're planning on murdering the poor fool they lured there. And speaking of the "poor fool" he is played to perfection as well, wearing maybe the best halloween costume on record, and being a quiet comic genius to boot.

    The gore and violence couldn't have been done any better either, including chainsaws, fire axes and moonshine fueled fiery disfigurements (which actually results in one of the better make-up jobs I've ever seen). This one is gory, to say the least.

     To any and every one of you who read this review, WATCH THIS MOVIE! There's really not a lot of other ways I can say it, just that you will be missing out if you don't.

10/10 detached retinas

The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu

     It's not hard to see that this movie was made with a comedy before horror type mindset. But the creators obvious love for the campy-ness of monster movies shines through the entire film like a beacon.

     This movie is funny.....really funny. There aren't a lot of familiars faces save a couple of minor commercial personalities and some guy who was in Grandmas Boy, but they still manage A-list comedy execution with uproarious dialogue and winning character development. I guess it makes me at least half a nerd that I understand so many references made within nerd comedy but this movie is full of 'em and they are great.

    The premise is a bit goofy as it is centered around the return of cthulhu, but it also makes for some great opportunities for outlandish monster costuming and slapstick gore scenes, which are actually quite bloody and awesome considering the silliness of the rest of the film. And to top all these things off with a slick HD quality feel, just gave the film that much more legitimacy.

     Comedy and horror movie fans alike will get a treat with this one, regardless of whether or not you're a fan of both genres of film. Highly recommend.

8/10 detached retinas

Carver

   Gawl! Everywhere I look Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoffs are waiting to suck me into their overworked but still slightly entertaining clutches. Would it kill someone to come up with a little American horror originality every once in awhile? Not a whole lot to ask for.

   Backcountry, hillbillies, torture and young adults, including the token whiner, the token douche and his token slut and the token hero and heroine. Combine those things with a token story and they may as well have called this movie "Token".

  But, there are a few standout parts of this cheeser and all of them are derived from the movies attempt to gross you out (b.t.w. I wouldn't suggest watching this one while trying to eat, especially is you have an aversion to feces.) The gore is solid low budget stuff, and while they do hide from view a few of the money shots, I believe its because of budget restrictions or make up artist talent issues rather than a lack of desire to please a gore thirsty audience.

  Looking back at this one, I can safely say its creators meant well while making it. It's just a little uninspired and washed up as far as concept goes, but I would definitely watch another one of their films, no question.

5.5/10 detached retinas

To Kako (Evil)

    Greece, where ya been? Just now getting on the zombie train when your neighbors to the east (Italy) have been doing it with gusto for thirty plus years? Well whatever your explanation, welcome to the entertaining zoo that is undead themed film making and thank you for coming.

    Classically delicious, that's what comes to mind as I review this one. Every aspect of this film is some sort of shrine to the the masters that came before, from the campy zombie movie approved acting, to the bloody and hilarious killshots and violence. Comedic without actually being a "comedy" and ludicrous in all the right ways. Not to say this doesn't have a hole filled plot, or inspire some unsolicited laughter, but in that same breathe didn't Fulci, Romero and Argento inspire those same laughs at times? Of course they did.

   I applaud this movie in every aspect and look forward to reviewing To Kako 2 because from what I've seen it's gonna be even more fun than this one was, no small feat! Cheers to you Greece on a successful first foray into "the land of the dead".

7.5/10 detached retinas

Eden Log

  Foreign art films never fail to amaze and anger me with their abysmally frustrating and confusing endings. This movie had me enraptured for damn near its entirety, and then with five minutes remaining, proceeded to take a fat dump on my chest leaving me open mouthed with the putrid taste of disappointment making my bile ducts scream for release.

  The basis for this one is centered around energy crisis solutions of the seemingly distant future gone wrong. Shot in what I could only describe as some sort of subterranean missile silo or abandoned nuclear power plant (which if it was, would be fitting). Feeling in style, as with many other French (dialogue is in English) films, a bit of Terry Gilliam, specifically 12 Monkeys. Just about everything about the visuals in this flick are amazing, from its bleak and panicky production, to the great makeup work on the fiend like mutants chasing the main character, to the entire films general concept art. Fact is, the only glaring disparity I found within this film was its atrocious ending.

   I have a stinking suspicion that art film directors/ writers give them selves too much credit and shoot too high with their concept, end up writing themselves into a corner and, BANG, you have movies like this. I'm probably wrong, but it makes me feel better about my wasted two hours.

4.5/10 detached retinas

Isolation

     I used to wonder how long before the "abominations of science" horror films began to get stale. But now that I have given it more thought, the more I realize they won't, as science and greed progress the more feasible these films become, and the more brutal they become as well.

    This little Irish delight is built around just what I was earlier talking about, scientific testing to find a way to make cattle mature earlier and therefore come of birthing age themselves at a faster rate, so on and so forth, making much more money for the dairy and beef industries.......where could that go wrong you ask? Well if you have to ask that question, this just might be your first rodeo.

    This movie is grimy all the way around, from the bleak, muddy, rundown cattle farm setting to the violent human and animal mutilations to the very core of its script. Well acted and well shot with a feel of palpable desperation that extends for the length of the movie. The gore scenes as well are gritty and realistic, featuring exoskeletal, bloodthirsty, mutant calf fetuses boring their way through bovine and human intestine alike. From whatever angle you decided to look at this film, it is a solid peice of work.

    So if you have a mind to try to interfere with the natural evolution of species, be they non threatening in their current state or not......I would suggest you watch this movie before doing so, there are good lessons to be learned within.

7.5/10 detached retinas

Prey (Proie)

 

    Now this is a "creature feature" with some class! Unlike its many counterparts within this campy sub-genre this film is taught, slick, engaging and downright intense. And to top all that off it has a worthwhile social message to sell, and does so without seeming all that preachy. Oh, and did I mention it is French? If you've ever read this thing I like to call a blog before, you will know that about 90% of the time that's a win for me.

   The story revolves around a family that goes hunting in search of a boar that had been ravaging the countryside and finds out the fertilizer made by their company is killing off most of the indigenous wildlife, and the animals it is not killing.....well, that's where the horror part of the film comes about. Well cast, scripted and acted with a very compelling plot. The only drawback I really had from this flick was its length, at just under an hour and twenty minutes it felt a little short.

   The gore was accomplished and the general look of the film was polished and dark, leaving small parts to the imagination but not in a way that frustrated, more so it added to the suspense and creep factor of the whole film. The creatures or blooddrunk boars, as they were, were well done as well without ever really being fully in the shot, and the many dead animal carcasses strewn about the set had were so putrescent looking that you could almost smell them through the screen. Visually well done all the way around.

   Now if you don't like looking at made up images of what humans impact does to our planet, and even our immediate ecosystem, I would not suggest watching this endeavor. But if you want to see a smart and bloody look at natures revenge I highly recommend you look no further than Prey.

7/10 detached retinas

The Mad

   I may never know where exactly the viewpoint of the people that made this flick is coming from but I can  however safely say that their main commentary was firmly centered around something between food production regulation reform and vegetarianism. Not so subtly hidden within a zombie comedy the earlier mentioned "agendas" don't draw attention away from the successes this film enjoys. In fact, depending on your tolerance for preachy morals, it kinda added to this films charm.

   Story is similar in flavor to a hybrid of Dead and Breakfast and Slither while still establishing its own identity through killer burger patties and a hamburger induced zombie outbreak. Billy Zane (as you've probably deduced from the poster by now) leads a veritable cast of comically entertainingly nobodies. The dialogue and acting are well done for the most part, but the comic disconnect from the events at hand begins to wear thin by the films end. I will say this for Billy Zane though, he plays a damn good 40 something, ex-waveo, still trying to relate with the younger generation-dad, and has a great on-screen rapport with everyone he shares the camera with.

   The make up and gore portion of this film is done in a very professional yet still campy manner. The usual zombie related fodder is all here, bite wounds, beheadings and all the usual "rippin' and tearin". The zombie make up is decent, but nothing to amaze. I think the most standout effects driven part of this movie was probably the animated/animatronic killer burger patties.

    This movie by no means wowed me, but it was very entertaining through and through. I'm thinking anybody, horror fan or no, could get on board with this one.

6.5/10 detached retinas

The Darkroom

   I don't really know why I'm even wasting the time to review this one when all the end result will amount to is me telling you not to waste your time on it. But seems as I have nothing better to do right now, what the hell....

   This movie actually barely amounts to a real horror movie, apart from reoccurring drug induced monster sightings, the presence of a serial killer, and a couple of half assed throat slashings, this one really amounts to more of a mystery than anything else. but apparently someone else disagrees with me because it was on TMC's "Splatterday" on-demand lineup.....whatever. It has a few familiar faces including Lucy Lawless (Xena: Warrior Princess), and Greg Grunberg of  Heroes. But nobody steps up to make it any more interesting. There are however a few twists at the end that threw me but more likely had I been a little more invested in the story I would have figured them out. The violence is sparse and weak and the monster scenes are shakey and out of focus and frankly gave me a bit of a headache.

  All around this movie is close to unwatchable (and yet for some reason I watched the whole freakin' thing), don't let the snappy movie poster fool ya, avoid.

2/10 detached retinas

Plague Town

     Sometimes even when I don't necessarily love a film, it can still make me excited to see what the director will do further down the road. David Gregory did that for me with this movie. While it wasn't all bad, it felt a little amateurish at points.....but it was his directorial debut, and everything from this point should be uphill for him.

    The story is one that brings to mind a combo of  Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Children of the Corn, but has enough of its own flavor so that it doesn't reek too terribly of plagiarism. Now the main lacking point as far as script and story is the victims situational awareness, there is not a whole lot of survival instinct going on, more so just standing around and letting themselves get killed. At least the death scenes are gruesome though, very much so in fact. Piano wire face cleavings, shotgun induced throat-splosions, and a near reverse lobotomy courtesy of a fire poker top off the "meat" of our violence, and it is convincingly bloody stuff. Also there is a good amount of spooky imagery involving the townspeople and their "plague" which really just boils down to their children being disfigured (you won't want to miss the scrotum chin dude).

   Horror connessuiers will like this one I can tell you that much, but for the more casual fans of you out there, give it a shot too. Its just may be a sign of good things to come.

6.5/10 detached retinas

100 Tears

     This is what I'm talking about, B movie horror doesn't have to suck! With the right eye for detail and an at least charismatic (if maybe not the most professional) cast, you can get a long way in low budget horror.This movie showed that to the fullest extent.

  A beautiful and bonding father and daughter romp through the rib cages and rectums of thirty or so mostly unsuspecting east coast citizens, complete with clowns, a midget chase scene, disembowelings, beheadings, super funny dialogue and gallons upon gallons of fake blood. This movie made me literally laugh out loud numerous times while at work watching it (which can be a little awkward considering I don't really know if I'm allowed to be watching movies at work, but it can be our little secret). Now it's not going to be winning any awards for amazing creativity, but thats not all there is to a horror film. Sometimes you just want to see people get chopped to peices by a ludicrous clown while laughing at the couple of goofs bumbling around trying to figure out who's doing the killing.

  Classy, slick, accomplished.......none of these words apply to this movie.......but the one that does, fun, is plentiful to be had. Not for everyone, but if you've got the stomach, give 'er a whirl, you'll thank me later.

8/10 detached retinas

Shiver (Escalofrio)

    It is not very often that you get to call a true horror film "cute" but this one somehow fits that billing. While still being gruesome and spooky it has a strangely heartwarming tale to tell.

    The story is centered around a teenage boy who has an allergy to sunlight and as a result has to relocate to a tiny Spanish village nestled in the mountains. To not give anymore of the story away I will just say there is a feral child involved once he arrives in said village and he becomes the suspect in a series of murders. The endearing part comes from the execution and casting, everyone has a certain aura of believability to them be they good or bad within the story. And the character relationships are genuine. Well scripted, creative and ambitious this movie really did it for me from all plot and acting standpoints.

   Along with the story being great, the violence and make-up effects were its perfect companion. There is a good amount of bloody animalistic scenes throughout this film and they are done very convincingly. And the earlier mentioned feral child.....well let's just say that she looks exactly like what you would think a feral child would look like.

   One more note that this movie brought to light for me was the cinematography, which was beautiful and very European-esque. Which made me come to the realization that foreign (especially, but not limited to European) horror films actually do have a kind of different feel to them (aside from the subtitles). They don't feel as rushed and they seem to take care with the smaller things like settings, scenery, character build up and the other things that draw the viewer to that next level of involvement in the film. Hollywood, take note, cuz you'z abouts ta get served.

   Anyways, back to the point at hand, this movie is a real fun watch, and I think just about anybody could get on board with it.

7/10 detached retinas